WFTDA's Most Struggling Team- the Long Island Roller Rebels

I first noticed LIRR back when they lost by a historical margin to Dom. The score was 307-6. Read that again...307-6. Yes, its just as painful to read it a 2nd time. And thats the largest score differential in WFTDA history...-301. OUCH. How have the Rebels fared otherwise?? Wellll...not so good. They lost to Maine 208-22 (-186). They lost to Gotham back in '07 109-34 (-75). They went down to Conn 289-16 (-45) and got crushed by Harrisburg 244-56 (-188). Then they lost to the Steelies 233-70 (-163). How in the living hell is that even possible?? How does a squad keep losing and losing by such a terrible margin? I wish I knew. Are they only able to practice once a week? I just dont get it. Its not like there's a small pool of potential talent out there on Long Island. Did the Mighty Goth Queens take all the skaters in NYC? Are LIRR actively recruiting? Yes folks, the Rebels are historically inept. There has to be a reason why LIRR keep losing and losing big and dont seem to be gaining any real momentum.

The lone bright spot in their dark history has been a miraculous victory against the Steelies when the stars were aligned and time stopped and somehow the Rebs fell ass backwards into a victory. The score was 117-87 and from what I've heard the Steel City squad were down some skaters due to illness, injuries, etc. But I'm not about to downplay the one victory in LIRR history okay? My fear is that they may never taste the sweet flavor of victory again.

It is too easy to criticise a team that has struggled as mightily as Long Island and I just dont have the heart for it. In truth I have found myself becoming a closet fan of this team and rooting for them to at least achieve respectability in their painful losses. I respect the fact that they just keep plugging away in relative obscurity and have never given up on their little league. Theres something to be said for that people. Seriously. If YOU were on a team that kept getting blown out like LIRR would YOU be able to keep keeping on? Its hard...its very tuff. There has to be some serious soul searching going on after some of these lop-sided losses and I really, really feel for these Rollergirls. I have always hated bullies and rooted for underdogs, its just my nature. And you may never find a bigger underdog than Long Island.

I had a dream last night that I was at an LIRR practice and in walks Bonnie Thunders and Suzy Hotrod. Suzy says, "Enough of this bullshit...yer winning this next game. And we're gonna be Jamming for the Rebels as guest skaters so the bitches better take notice!". Nice dream eh LI?? If only...

If and when the Rebel skaters get wind of this Blog post they may look at me with mixed feelings. Or perhaps they will get the spirit of this post. Or maybe they will realize that I am supporting them in my own little way. Or they could wish that I would just go away...hell I dunno. Regardless, they will have my full support.

So this is my request to everyone that reads this Blog: Say a prayer to the Derby Goddess for Long Island. Send yer sparkly, postive-vibey energies to this team. Support them, root for them, wish them well and buy their merch. They really need a break. They desperately need a heart warming win. They need a victory in the name of the late Anita Fixxx, who passed away back in '06 when they joined WFTDA. They DESERVE to feel good after so many heart wrenching losses. With upcoming bouts against Green Mountain, Dutchland (thats gonna be another very tuff bout!) and Suburbia LIRR will be hoping and not giving up. Long Island Roller Rebels...you have my heart somehow. 'Cause I love the Underdog.

LIRR's current roster:

Amaretto Sourpuss
Anita Cookie
Baby Bop YO Face
Capt Morgan
Chest Blockwell
Celtic Thunder
C-Roll
Cyanide Kisses
D-Ball
Etta James
Eve L Taco (!)
Mean Frostine
Muscles Marinara
Ninja Starr
Mad Donna
Regine Bull
Red Snapher
Serial Mom
Terropin
Violet Knockout
Tailgunner Flo

GO REBELS!!!