Texas- 451 Oklahoma - 8 ??!! Come on O.M.!!! Mercy!!

Last night the Original Muthas of Austin saw fit to obliterate the all time blow out record and CRUSHED the VicDolls 451 - 8. Get the livin' F*CK outta here!!! Was that really necessary TX? I'm sorry but thats total bullshit. Ya think that when the score was around 250-3 that ya coulda taken yer foot off the gas? There is no way that I would have put my skaters through that either. If I was coaching the VicDolls I would have seriously thought about a forfeit...and thats not like me, but COME ON. I wouldnt want to keep puttin' my girls thru that even if they didnt want to quit. Yeah....thats one of those very rare occasions when I would have just said "Screw this. FORFEIT!". So okay Big Ole TX...lesson learned. The VicDolls suck compared to you, we get it. That score just pisses me off and I feel really bad for OK, I am in pain just reading that score. I guess that the Original Muthas just turned me into a VicDolls fan. Remember...I dont like bullies. And totally humiliating a young team like OK by a score of 451-8 just doesnt sit well with me at all. Nope, not a bit. Thank you very much.

GO VICTORY DOLLS! Love to you Rollergirls of Oklahoma...<3 <3 <3

A Quick Pick - G-Rag v Tricky Cincy

I have a lot of affection for the skaters of Grand Rapids and Dot is so cool but...I'm gonna hafta say that Tricky Cincy will come out on top once again in tonites bout. That is if Sadie is on top of her game cause ya know how the old saying goes..."As Sadie goes so goes Cincy". And theres major truth in that. If G-Rag still had Mira Maheiney on their squad then that woulda certainly helped their cause but thats not gonna happen. Yep- put that stone cold cashish on the Tricky Rollergirls o' Cincy.

Sure wish that I could check out the livestream of this bout 2nite but I shall be watching the fierce, tempestuous battle in Indy...a major grudge match between Naptown and F-Dubb. it'll be a Double Header w/the Warning Belles going up against Fort Wayne's SWAT team. Then it'll be the Sirens v FW's All Stars. Hopefully next year Naps bouts will be ustreamed. And no...I STILL dont pick Nap bouts. I'm not gonna jinx my Homegirls! Total luv to Race City (I totally play favorites!). It WILL be very strange to see F Dubb w/out the beautiful Kitty Killjoy at the Jammer position tho. She is great. Ya hear that ya Carols?? She lives out in yer neck of the woods now and even tho ya DO have the Princess it sure would be nice to have a Kitty too! 8)

Oh, and as regards the Burns...I dont care where those girls are ranked, they have gotten SIGNIFICANTLY better over the course of the past year and nobody better take them lightly. They took F Dubb out last year and they are improving steadily. Shout out to the BRRG! You Rollergirls are rockin C-Town...hell yes.

F-Dubb v Naptown Bout Preview or Wherefore art thou Kitty?

Before I get too deep into the upcoming grudge-bout between Ft Wayne and Nap I wanna make a 'lil inquiry. Where the hell is Kitty Killjoy? She got married several months ago and has seemingly fallen off the F-Dubb roster. Did she retire? Or is she on hiatus since being wed? Just kinda wondering. If anyone KNOWS the whereabouts of my favorite FW skater let me know. I dont have any "ins" with FW and thus I know nothing about what has become of her. Hopefully she hasnt been abducted by cow dissecting aliens. Because that would be...like...not good. At any rate the loss of Kitty at the Jammer position would be a blow, albeit not as big a blow as I would have imagined since the Ft Wayne squad has done fairly well in '09.

After having a murderous stretch dating back to '07 that left FW at 1-9 they have apparently righted the ship. Lets review shall we? F-Dubb squeeked by the Burns 79-73. But B River has really gotten quite a bit better since they were last seen in Naptown. As a matter of fact they beat FW last year. Then FW killed No Coast 100-40. And they had another close one against Nash in which they won 64-59. Finally they more than met their match against the Steelies who have been on one hell of a roll this year. FW lost 143-69. Then FW beat NWA quite handily by a score of 119-66. Yes, its been a marked improvement for the skaters of F-Dubb this year.

Ft Wayne has played very angry this year and it seems to be working for them. Certainly it helps tremendously that they have gotten their spiritual leader back from an injury forced hiatus...Bang Bang LaDesh. The continuing improvement of Jammer R.I.P.tide has also helped. And you can never discount the skills of Pushycat with or without her infamous whip. Pushycat and R.I.P.tide provide a nice 1-2 punch for FW and they DO have an intimidating and hard-hitting group of Blockers. And those Blockers arent small girls either!

I was watching the ustream live boutcast of the FW v Nash bout and was really taken aback by some of the unprovoked and strange remarks by the FW announcers directed towards Naptown. What the hell was the point of that? Frankly I have decided to just chalk it up to the still heated rivalry between the two teams and thats fine with me. Other than perhaps Tricky Cincy F-Dubb are Race City's main rivals and thats GOOD! I love it! Every sport has its intense rivalries and why should Roller Derby be any different? All this has truly inspired our Homegirls and its going to be a very fiery bout indeed on May 30th. With a few exceptions the Nap skaters are healthy and READY. This I know: regardless of the outcome of the bout I have a feeling that there will be no love lost between the two squads.

I will also say this...there wil be no Plasmatics tee, no "other league" tees for me this time. Nope. I will be in red and black, sporting my Naptown RG tee (which I have only worn ONCE this season). I will also be wearing my lucky red n black skull and crossbones bandana. Mmmm hmmm. Because its TIME. Its time to show my total devotion and love for these Race City Rollergirls. Its time for a take no prisoners showdown. Ya feel me??

Lovely Charm v the Carols Bout Prediction!

Aaaahhhh...Lovely Charm v the Carols. Another epic matchup between 2 incredibly skilled teams that could be one of the best bouts of the year thus far. But before I get all into that I need to address something right away. Tell me that I didnt actually just read that there's a skater for Lovely Charm named JUST CAROL. Are ya freaking kiddin me?? Just Carol? Uhhhh, look, I know this may be something of a problem but if yer handle is Just Carol how can you NOT be wearing black n red?! Perhaps Bianca needs to change her name right before the bout to Just Lovely then things would be all balanced out in the Derby Universe as we know it. There is no damn way that Just Carol doesnt suit up for the Carols...

Anyhoo...on to the bout prediction. I was really struggling with this one and so I put off babbling out my predict all week thinking that, ya know, it would just come to me. All sparkly and magical like. Maybe the Almighty Derby Goddess would whisper in my ear the outcome as she occasionally does. But NO! What troubling monkey wrench does She throw in the rotating gears in between my ears?? I find out that the amazing Princess America is on the Carols roster. DOH!!! Man o man. The Princess is one of the most skilled Jammers on the planet and there's not a league out there that wouldnt want her at the start line wearing their colors. She just flat out KICKS ASS. Yeah...the Carols are capable of defeating any team in WFTDA. Well...except, of course, the Mighty Gothic Queens of the Big Bad Apple. They that rule the Derby World with an iron fist. They that have a complete lack of anything resembling mercy.

Here's the rub tho: The Carols have a whopping ONE bout result in 2009. And that would be a loss to the skaters of Liberty City where the final score was 85-46. But Philly DOES totally kick ass and all. So....hmmmm. What have we all really seen from the Carols?? Not much this year. Lovely Charm on the other hand have been busy little stinging bees mowing down every team put before them thus far this year except for...yeah...you know it already...the Mighty Goths. Damn! Do they ever lose?? Its getting a little ridiculous at this point. Anyway, on the Lucky Charms hit list are some mighty fine teams: the Pikes, Maine (gotta come up w/a nick for them), the Beans(!!), H-Burg, the ATL and Prov. VERY impressive resume. Very very very impressive.

So here it is - Lovely Charm continues their impressive run and defeats the Princess-led Carols. Hope that the Charms know that there's a spy in their midst. I mean, her name kinda gives it away!

This is Just Dave...signing off. Peace!

The #17 Rocks v #10 Bean City Bout Preview

Lets get straight to the point. Boston is good. Real good. Not good enough to avoid getting punched in the mouth by Lovely Charm or the Mighty Gothic Queens of the Universe but still...they are GOOD. And they are mega-experienced too. There's a lot to be said for having endured hours and hours of Tournament play and having won more than ya lost. So yeah, the "smart money" is on those Beans to win in this weekends awesome bout against the Rocky Mtn Fight Club. Those "in the know" figure that the Beans are just a bit better, a bit more experienced, a bit higher ranked than the Killer Rocks. And hey - Boston has Pussy Venom!

I'm here to tell ya to take a little gamble with me. Take yer wad o' "smart $$$" and walk out on the ledge with it. Listen to my trusted and infamous "gut instinct" and bet on those Killer Rocks. In what should prove to be an excellent, closely contested bout I have faith that those Rocks are gonna find a way somehow to win. Dont believe me?? Not ready to trust my gut instinct? Thats okay. But let me take ya back to the year of 2008. Ummmm...that would be LAST year. The awesomeness that is the Killer Rocks made itself known and in an incredible night of glory the Rocks DEFEATED the Beans 111-93. Ya remember that?? Hmmmm?? Well I do. And the Rocks do too. I imagine that the memory of that bout brings a smile to their faces. I was very proud of them that night as they showed HEART and brought a toughness and will that made obvious what this team is all about. And I'm taking nothing away from the Beans either. I have the utmost respect for them and they fought hard that night, as they always do.

I can hear some doubters whispering in the background about the results at the 4 Corners Feud Tournament that happened a few months back when RMRG lost both bouts. Well listen to this...I'm throwing that Tournament out the window. I dont care about what happened at the 4CF. I really dont. The Rocks had some disadvantages that weekend but I'm not really making any excuses for them. I jsut dont really believe that the results of that Tournament will have any bearing whatsoever on the bout thats gonna be going down this weeked. And you shouldnt either. Have a little faith. The Killer Rocks are gonna find a way. And somebody had better be twittering updates during this bout or I'm gonna DIE.

Only one more thing to say: 111-93, 2008. Got it?

WFTDA's Most Struggling Team- the Long Island Roller Rebels

I first noticed LIRR back when they lost by a historical margin to Dom. The score was 307-6. Read that again...307-6. Yes, its just as painful to read it a 2nd time. And thats the largest score differential in WFTDA history...-301. OUCH. How have the Rebels fared otherwise?? Wellll...not so good. They lost to Maine 208-22 (-186). They lost to Gotham back in '07 109-34 (-75). They went down to Conn 289-16 (-45) and got crushed by Harrisburg 244-56 (-188). Then they lost to the Steelies 233-70 (-163). How in the living hell is that even possible?? How does a squad keep losing and losing by such a terrible margin? I wish I knew. Are they only able to practice once a week? I just dont get it. Its not like there's a small pool of potential talent out there on Long Island. Did the Mighty Goth Queens take all the skaters in NYC? Are LIRR actively recruiting? Yes folks, the Rebels are historically inept. There has to be a reason why LIRR keep losing and losing big and dont seem to be gaining any real momentum.

The lone bright spot in their dark history has been a miraculous victory against the Steelies when the stars were aligned and time stopped and somehow the Rebs fell ass backwards into a victory. The score was 117-87 and from what I've heard the Steel City squad were down some skaters due to illness, injuries, etc. But I'm not about to downplay the one victory in LIRR history okay? My fear is that they may never taste the sweet flavor of victory again.

It is too easy to criticise a team that has struggled as mightily as Long Island and I just dont have the heart for it. In truth I have found myself becoming a closet fan of this team and rooting for them to at least achieve respectability in their painful losses. I respect the fact that they just keep plugging away in relative obscurity and have never given up on their little league. Theres something to be said for that people. Seriously. If YOU were on a team that kept getting blown out like LIRR would YOU be able to keep keeping on? Its hard...its very tuff. There has to be some serious soul searching going on after some of these lop-sided losses and I really, really feel for these Rollergirls. I have always hated bullies and rooted for underdogs, its just my nature. And you may never find a bigger underdog than Long Island.

I had a dream last night that I was at an LIRR practice and in walks Bonnie Thunders and Suzy Hotrod. Suzy says, "Enough of this bullshit...yer winning this next game. And we're gonna be Jamming for the Rebels as guest skaters so the bitches better take notice!". Nice dream eh LI?? If only...

If and when the Rebel skaters get wind of this Blog post they may look at me with mixed feelings. Or perhaps they will get the spirit of this post. Or maybe they will realize that I am supporting them in my own little way. Or they could wish that I would just go away...hell I dunno. Regardless, they will have my full support.

So this is my request to everyone that reads this Blog: Say a prayer to the Derby Goddess for Long Island. Send yer sparkly, postive-vibey energies to this team. Support them, root for them, wish them well and buy their merch. They really need a break. They desperately need a heart warming win. They need a victory in the name of the late Anita Fixxx, who passed away back in '06 when they joined WFTDA. They DESERVE to feel good after so many heart wrenching losses. With upcoming bouts against Green Mountain, Dutchland (thats gonna be another very tuff bout!) and Suburbia LIRR will be hoping and not giving up. Long Island Roller Rebels...you have my heart somehow. 'Cause I love the Underdog.

LIRR's current roster:

Amaretto Sourpuss
Anita Cookie
Baby Bop YO Face
Capt Morgan
Chest Blockwell
Celtic Thunder
C-Roll
Cyanide Kisses
D-Ball
Etta James
Eve L Taco (!)
Mean Frostine
Muscles Marinara
Ninja Starr
Mad Donna
Regine Bull
Red Snapher
Serial Mom
Terropin
Violet Knockout
Tailgunner Flo

GO REBELS!!!