Monday, March 16, 2009

Do not sanitize Roller Derby!!!

There has been much chatter lately regarding "obscene" Derby names and the thought that these names harm the marketability and elevation of Roller Derby as a legitimate sport. Frankly, as I'm sure many of you will agree, Roller Derby is already legitimate and to "sanitize" the sport that we all love to make it more palatable for the masses strikes me as ridiculous. Mainstreaming Derby is not exactly a goal I embrace...especially if it means that Derby loses its edge and underground appeal. Why is there a real need to "tone down" funny, obscene and drug-tinged names when Derby is growing at such an incredible rate as it is?? Perhaps the lowbrow flavor is a part of it's appeal. I really do not want to see real names used either. This precedent has already been set and omigod what an incredibly BORING precedent it is. If Derby has to discourage such classic names as Robin Drugstores, Pussy Venom, Muff Thumper and Firecrotch then what kind of mainstream names are acceptable to the mainstream? I mean, Princess America and Bonnie Thunders are perfectly fine names but I ADORE names like Nokka Ho Down. Lemmy from Motorhead once said quite famously, "Who are you NOT to be offended?". Yes...who indeed are you NOT to be offended??! Offend! Rebel! Piss on the status quo. One of the main reasons that modern Roller Derby is so appealing is that it ISN'T mainstream!

Some great Derby names that may offend:

Milwaukees Breast (Brew City)
Va Va Va Gina (the Angels)
Perky Set (the Hammers)
Ivanna S Pankin (AZ)
Holly Would (AZ)
Pussy Venom (the Beans)
Honey Suckit (Deeeetroit)
Rubher Ducky (Dom)
Tronsexual (the Dukies)
Amanda Jamitinya (the Dukies)
Keisha Mei Ash (G Rag)
Hall Balls (KC)
Killy Liqourbottom (OH)
Robin Drugstores (Liberty City)
Ho J Simpson (the Rocks)
Firecrotch (the Rosies)
Megan M Wett (the Sinners)
Seemore Butts (the Sinners)
Muffin Tumble (the Originals)
Nokka Ho Down (the Tramps)
Two-bit Ore (the Tramps)
Jackie the Stripper (Greens)
Eurine A Hole (Nash)

Do your part to fight boring sanitization and for pity's sake discourage wholeheartedly the use of real names!! Keep Derby FUN!


  1. Those are some great names. I'm w/ you about using real names. How boring!

  2. what about Queefer Sutherland??