Goths v Bean City Prediction!

Can any team defeat the Mighty Goths this year? Hey, anythings possible...but the reality is that the skaters of NYC seem too powerful, too deep, too rock solid. too multi-faceted. They COULD slip up but not this weekend. I've been pretty high on the Beans, even after their narrow defeat at the hands of Lovely Charm City, but pulling out a victory against the Goths seems unlikely. Even after the loss of Cheapskate NYC's 1-2 punch of Bonnie and Suzy is as good as any in Derby. I've come to believe that only Windy is capable of beating the Queens of the 5 Boroughs, although it wouldnt shock me if Philly got one over on them. At this point I really would be surprised if the Mighty Gothic Queens of the Big Bad Apple didnt finish the year as repeat WFTDA Champs. But hey-stranger things have happened. Some Witch Doctor could lay down a wicked voodoo curse on NYC. Or Beyonslay could accidentally crash into both Bonnie and Suzy at practice and all 3 could get layed out. Or we could all wake up in the morning and suddenly find that time had reversed itself and its actually 2001. Or the Beans could sneak into the Goths locker room and put metal wheels on all their skates. Or...ummmm...late Saturday nite we could all find out that the Queens are STILL absolutely freaking killer and they've taken yet another in a long string of victories. Yep, the latter seems most likely.

Sorry Bean City...ya know I still have yer back. But beating those NYC Rollergirls is a waaaaay tall order. Goths by 30.

Naptown v Archies Bout Recap or the Glorious Return of Ace

It is possible that one gifted athlete in a team sport can elevate the play and energy of all her team mates and influence the very spirit of a team. You know...Peyton Manning, Reggie Miller, the Amazin' Blazin' Ace. The return of Naptown's star skater last Saturday night was truly incredible. It was about midway thru Ace's 2nd Jam when it hit me how I had forgotten how absolutely freakin' GREAT she is. The speed...the moves...the evasion...the sheer talent. Around the time she was into her 4th Jam I realised that she means the world to this team. I got so caught up in the moment when all the fans in turn 1 started chanting in unison, "Ace! Ace! Ace! Ace!". She was so focused I dont think she even heard us. Ace is not on myspace and I dont think she even "does" the internet. Taking care of several kids and a majorly busy life get in the way of such time consuming endevours ya know? But maybe she'll get word of this blog and it'll make her smile. At one point I passed Mr Ace and said, "Damn I'm glad yer wife is back!". We all are. And she's back for the rest of the season. Next year??? Hmmmm...it looks pretty sketchy. So make sure you let Ace know how much she means to this Derby community! I've already started "working on" Mr Ace to try to convince her to come back next year. She is "our" STAR and we love her! Ace would kick total ass on any team in WFTDA and there is no doubt about that.

Having said all that I would like to state that even though there may have been some disapointment with having suffered a loss there was a lot to be optimistic about. Although there were a few occasions where control of pack speed was an issue I would have to say that the cohesion of Naptowns Blockers was very, very good. There was just a different energy in this bout...an energy that I haven't seen since last season. The Race City skaters played such a focused game and never gave up on a Jam. Not even near the end of the bout when it was apparent that a win was going to evade them. But make no mistake- win or no, Nap is BACK. And you all have to know that I LOVED that Angel of Naptown Jam! You know that! I had a hoarse voice the rest of the night after that Jam because I was yelling "Jooooaaaan!!" so much. I'm serious. Every starter had their moments. Coach Rick just didnt want to risk Slammy getting reinjured so she didnt Jam nearly as much as I wanted her too or believed that she would. Superhero Shadi was limited in her appearences as Jammer due to shin splints still aggravating her. Shin splints take forever to heal...they suck. The Chosen One was her usual consistent, point scoring self. I really liked what I saw from Our Homegirls this bout and if too much time in the penalty box hadn't gotten in the way this game would have come down to the last Jam I believe.

This game was called VERY tight and at times I thought got too "ticky-tacky". Elbows are elbows in every bout. It's like in Football...you could literally call a holding penalty on every possession but only the most blatant holds are called for the sake of the game. Same with elbows in Derby. Unless it's blatant or directly affects the scoring in the Jam just swallow yer freakin' whistle already! Let the game flow and let the best players PLAY. Thats all.

Now on to some 'lil bullet points:

* Can I just come right out and admit something?? I wanna just say here and now that I have got the most intense Derby crush in a long while. I first started to feel this Derby crush at the Fall Brawl last year and after this bout it had become a REAL, full-on Derby crush. Ya mighta noticed her kicking ass and playing her usual classy game with speed, athleticism, style and flair. She has a glow...a positive energy that just flows from her. Yeah...Chokehold Chanel. #5. She is too cool. She has become one of my very favorite Rollergirls in all of Rollerdom. I saw her before the bout and she skated over and gave me a hug and said hi and it seemed like I had just seen her at Fall Brawl a couple of weeks ago or something. She got blocked into the suicides at one point and some disgusting a-hole grabbed her "inappropriately". Her hubby, Mr Pink, dashed over to do some damage to the said a-hole but order was restored and Mr A-Hole was ejected before Mr Pink broke his face. I have never seen an Indy fan do that, and better not see it again. But Chanel is pure class and she just let it go. From what she told me this could be her last year with the Travel Team because she wants to start a family. I can understand that, but I hope that she remains with the Smashinistas or has some kinda role with ARRG because really she is unreplaceable. She really is. I guess that Keligula may be the skater chosen to fill #5's big skates. And since Artemischeif is already an excellent Jammer the Archies may be okay. But there is only one Chanel. And I will forever treasure that pic of her giving me a peck on the cheek! *swooon* Love ya Chanel!

* Speaking of crushes...
Before I go into this next bit I want to make something unmistakeably clear: Naptown has my heart. I am "their guy" okay? They are the reason I have developed my "likeability gauge". They are the standard so dont freak on me when I say that there are a few teams out there that I adore too okay? Just because I'm "married" doesn't mean that I dont know how attractive other teams out there are ya know?? And so yes...there is the "likeability gauge". On a scale from 1-10 how likeable is a team? How approachable are they? How do they treat fans? How do they treat the opposition on and off the track? How COOL are they? Are they fun to just hang with? Yep...the likeability qoutient. Not counting Nap there is only 2 other teams that I adore as much as the Archies. TWO. If you know me you know how crazy I am for Brew City. They are one of the coolest teams on the planet (and NO I dont care how many games they win...has nothing to do with it for me). I will ALWAYS be a Brew City fan because I love their team, they are a blast to hang with and have some of the most friendly skaters in WFTDA ( shout out to Grace, Romaniac, Servin', Swingwreck and especially Seoul!!). And then there's the Rocks (Rocky Mtn). I have come to really love Frida and the skaters of RMRG. They have loads of talent and carry themselves with humor and class. The next time they come out to the midwest I need to drive out and see them. But back to the Archies...yeah, I'm feeling the love. I told Coach Magnum that I couldn't wait to see how they did WHEN they got into the Regionals this year. And trust me...they will be there. I believe in the Archies, and for good reason as you witnessed. If a team scores low on the likeability quotient that doesn't mean that I won't give 'em credit for what they accomplish on the track but likeability matters! We all know of some teams that aren't that likeable. Ya know...the ones that don't show for the Afterparty, or DO show and act obnoxious or stand-offish. Fuck that. Rollergirls should respect Rollergirls and recognise that they and we are all a part of this rebirth of Derby. Go ahead and play dirty or be snotty. Just don't ask me to support ya, that's all.

* At one point after the bout a guy with long hair came up to me and said that he was thrilled to see that there was another Wendy O fan representing ( I was wearing a Plasmatics tee 'natch). And we shook hands and got to talking about the greatnes that IS Wendy and how crazy we were about her. I directed him to a few DVD's that you can find and he clued me in on Juliette (Lewis) and the Licks. Good call dude!! I checked out the Licks and I was impressed...that girl can ROCK! Check out her stuff on youtube! One of my missions in life is to do all I can to keep the memory of Wendy O Williams alive. I will never forget her and how much she meant/means to me. Never.

* DJ Sarah Vain. I dont know if I have really given her any props in the past but I REALLY admire her song selection. She pulls out so many great, old punk and goth faves. And she's such a sweetheart too. And I totally forgive her for not being into the Donnas. Even tho the Donnas RULE THIS WORLD! Allison is the most killer female axe-slinger in the land other than maybe Ruyter of Nashville Pussy. Anyway DJ Sarah...Nap bouts just wouldn't be the same without you girl!

* Got a chance to talk to Sin and we had a VERY interesting conversation. VERY interesting. And no I can't divulge anything here because she might punch me in the neck if I did and I kinda need my neck. BTW Sin, yer man is one cool dude. Nice to talk to someone thats so into Rugger! And PLAYS Rugby.

* Also got a chance once again to talk to Coach Rick and Fiestylicious. I really value those conversations because I gain some fresh insight into my Homegirls on some of the details that I probably wouldn't otherwise get. And no, I cant divulge that chatter either. I know...I'm a tease. I just need to keep that shit personal.

* I would like to thank Will H for being such a good guy. I appreciate ya man!! I will see ya on Tuesday at the comedy club for yer stand-up and I need to buy ya a beer or 2.

* Did anyone else notice the F-Dubb contingent over in turn 3?? Mmmmm hmmmm. Checkin' out our beloved Homegirls and taking notes and hating just a 'lil bit. Sometimes I think my admiration for Kitty is a one way street but that's okay. I STILL think she's awesome anyway. I wonder if Bang Bang is gonna be with the FW squad when they come down to Indy soon. She was injured last I heard and I haven't been checking up on the F-Dubb this year. Hope Pushycat doesnt bring that riding crop of hers...OW! Be careful around her when she's armed.

* It was really shocking to meet anyone that was as much of an obsessive-compulsive Derby freak as me. But Smarty McFly IS!!! Can't believe how up on Derby that girl is! Rock on Smarty! She was "twittering" away and giving me all the scores that I was lusting for. Said that she watches some bouts 3-4 times! Are you my long lost Sister or something? kindred spirits her and I. That skater knows her shit. Speaking of knowing shit, IR Dastardly knows his shit too. Man, I would liked to have had a chance to talk to him a lot more than I did. The few conversations I've had w/ IR have been pretty fascinating.

* I apparently got the ONLY XL short sleeve black AARG tee that the merch folks brought with them. Heehee!! I will treasure it Archies. I'm thinking that it's gonna get as worn out as my Naptown and Beer City tees. And it should also be noted that I touched the Archies panties before the bout...hell yes. Touched BOTH of them. Helmet panties are sexy!!

* It's a long shot but I would really really like to get out to St L for that Archies v F-Dubb bout coming in August. Who do ya figure I'll be yelling my ass off for?? Yeah...you KNOW that. Total Archies love to the max!! I want to see as much of Chanel as I can ya know?? Adoration calls...

* Before the bout Coach Magnum and I had a 'lil chat. And then at the Afterparty when I saw him come thru the door I said, "Hey man, dont go to the bar down here 'cause it'll take forever, lets go upstairs". And then I said, "And yer not paying for this beer either". Then Magnum said, "Ya wanna shot?". He then proceeded to buy me a shot of Jaeger! Friend for life man!! Magnum is a great guy and so is Hoosier Daddy. Class dudes and great Derby Coaches.

* ARRG brings around 800-900 fans at their home bouts and they skate on sport-court and really like the surface. But their facility, according to them, isn't all that great. There's no elevated seating at all and that's a drag. They are gonna keep trying to find a better facility and may have a lead on a future home but it's a little ways off. Several of the Archie skaters commented on what a great facility NRG has and how much they loved it. Too true. Frankly, ARRG deserve to be playing in front of at least 2500-3000 fans for their home bouts. They really do.

* For those that were wondering where in the hell Wally Wabash was...he was out of town to attend a WEDDING for pity's sake so make sure and give him loads of shit for missing the best bout of the season!! Tee hee!

* Kitiara...you are a darling, plain and simple. An absolute darling. Love that Motorhead bullet-belt you were wearing too.

* Dora the Destroyah/xMeganx...nice to finally meetcha Rollergirl. I don't want to embarrass you or anything but you have have the most beautiful hair! Kinda like Kitty Kiljoys style. And so you know that's cool...

* I had such a blast at the Afterparty! Best Afterparty of the year so far. As is my tradition I walked in, went upstairs, got my beer and walked over to the nearest table full of visiting skaters and sat right down. 8) Yeah, thats me. Great conversations with the Archies Rollergirls! I fell like I've known this team for years. Absorbed loads of info that only folks like me (and Smarty McFly) obsess over and filed it all away in my Derby-soaked brain for later recall. And oh yeah...THANK YOU to whoever with NRG worked it out so we have Afterparties at Birdy's!! Love that place. Lots of room, 2 bars, quiet space in the poolroom if needed and just an all around excellent venue for partying. No diss to Locals Only but we had simply outgrown it. Birdy's rocks!

Well, that about wraps it up this time out. just one more thing needs to be said and then I'm outta here: Chanel...will you marry me?? ;)

Do not sanitize Roller Derby!!!

There has been much chatter lately regarding "obscene" Derby names and the thought that these names harm the marketability and elevation of Roller Derby as a legitimate sport. Frankly, as I'm sure many of you will agree, Roller Derby is already legitimate and to "sanitize" the sport that we all love to make it more palatable for the masses strikes me as ridiculous. Mainstreaming Derby is not exactly a goal I embrace...especially if it means that Derby loses its edge and underground appeal. Why is there a real need to "tone down" funny, obscene and drug-tinged names when Derby is growing at such an incredible rate as it is?? Perhaps the lowbrow flavor is a part of it's appeal. I really do not want to see real names used either. This precedent has already been set and omigod what an incredibly BORING precedent it is. If Derby has to discourage such classic names as Robin Drugstores, Pussy Venom, Muff Thumper and Firecrotch then what kind of mainstream names are acceptable to the mainstream? I mean, Princess America and Bonnie Thunders are perfectly fine names but I ADORE names like Nokka Ho Down. Lemmy from Motorhead once said quite famously, "Who are you NOT to be offended?". Yes...who indeed are you NOT to be offended??! Offend! Rebel! Piss on the status quo. One of the main reasons that modern Roller Derby is so appealing is that it ISN'T mainstream!

Some great Derby names that may offend:

Milwaukees Breast (Brew City)
Va Va Va Gina (the Angels)
Perky Set (the Hammers)
Ivanna S Pankin (AZ)
Holly Would (AZ)
Pussy Venom (the Beans)
Honey Suckit (Deeeetroit)
Rubher Ducky (Dom)
Tronsexual (the Dukies)
Amanda Jamitinya (the Dukies)
Keisha Mei Ash (G Rag)
Hall Balls (KC)
Killy Liqourbottom (OH)
Robin Drugstores (Liberty City)
Ho J Simpson (the Rocks)
Firecrotch (the Rosies)
Megan M Wett (the Sinners)
Seemore Butts (the Sinners)
Muffin Tumble (the Originals)
Nokka Ho Down (the Tramps)
Two-bit Ore (the Tramps)
Jackie the Stripper (Greens)
Eurine A Hole (Nash)

Do your part to fight boring sanitization and for pity's sake discourage wholeheartedly the use of real names!! Keep Derby FUN!

Naptown v Archies bout Preview!!

Aaaaaahhh yes...the incomparable Archies. The team the rest of you may know as Arch Rivals. They hail from the land of Budweiser, Arches and Cardinals and are taking the Derby world by storm. For my money the Archies are the most exciting, fastest rising team in all the land. YES- they lost against Deeeetroit (most do) and YES- they lost against KC....BARELY. They played tuff as nailz the whole bout and KC was lucky to escape with a victory 89-80. It needs to be noted here that KC was ranked #1 for a good chunk of last year and are waaaaay more experienced than those Archies. Very, very impressive. St L has a record of 3-4 since joining the "Major Leagues" and have defeated G Rag, NWA and No Coast besides winning the Fall Brawl last year in a rather unexpected classic showing. This team is scheduling SERIOUS heavyweights with upcoming bouts against the Crushers, my beloved Beer City and the Dukies! And thats after bouting against Car City and KC already. DAMN!! Whatta freakin' schedule.

With a Jammer corps of cool as hell Chokehold Chanel, Artemischief, Eva Lasting Jawbreaker and the Siege the Archies are set. They block VERY well, they scheme well, they have excellent team chemistry (ya know that), they are disciplined and have great Coaching. Weaknesses??? Hmmmmm. Honestly, I dont see any glaring weaknesses that can be exploited. Ya cant even use the 'ole "inexperience" card against these Rollergirls because they play together like a team thats been around for years (like NStar?). Shit, ya wanna know how to beat this team??? BLOCK better than them. JAM better than them. Stay the living hell outta the penalty box at all costs. Run yer scheme and be ready to adjust if it doesnt go down as planned. Show more tuffness and heart than them. And most importantly, if ya wanna get one up on the Archies, ya HAFTA have killer chemistry. Out chemistry the "Girls of Chemistry".

With Nap's most experienced Jammers coming back ( Ace, Slammy and hopefully Shadi the Superhero) Indy has the opportunity to stay in this bout. Certainly, if NRG plays like they did last season then they have the opportunity to win. The spirit that was so apparent last season must resurface and all the Nap skaters hafta be on the same page. Tactical schemes must be adjustable and must be made quickly so a hole isnt dug that is too deep to be overcome in the second half. Nap's deep, experienced Blockers must not only defend but also create chances for the Jammers to "shoot the gap" and score every f'n point possible. This is going to be a VERY tuff bout for Race City but if NRG wants to right the ship and show that they have the grit that it takes to beat a killer team like the Archies than they need to show it now. Currently the Archies are ranked #20 and Naptown is ranked at #39 (FTS 'natch!). NRG has to play a full 60 like they have something to prove and trust me...if they beat St L they will have made one helluva statement. CHEMISTRY people. Chemistry. Its golden...rare...impossible to force...it's being in synch with each other and loving each other. Its picking up your teamates spirit when they are down and disheartened (and when they have made a mistake or two). Its playing as one with a wink and a nod. Its f'n GOLD.

the Archies likely roster:

Artemischief (getting better every bout)
Jenny Bonebreak
Eva Lasting Jawbreaker
the too cool 4 school Chokehold Chanel (love her)
the Siege
Overland Offender
the Educator
Ana Warpath ( stay outta her way)
Eli Wallop
Grave Danger (?? hurt??)
Killer Tomato
Mayor Francis Slayer
Davey Blockit
Riddle Lynn (cool name!)

C ya at the bout Derby peeps. You can recognize me by the new Plasmatics shirt I'll be sporting. "Undermine the Satus Quo"...always.